In Praise of Being an Aunt
Why "Auntie Nishta" is one of my very favorite titles to claim
This year for Valentine's Day (which I know many of us have complicated feelings about), I went to Target (this was before the DEI bullshit and my decision to try not to shop there anymore) and bought a shit-ton of fun heart-themed stickers and colored paper. The paper got cut into smaller, card-sized sheets and was packaged in bundles with the stickers for all of the kids in my life between age 3-7. Lucky for me, there are quite a few kiddos in that demographic inside of my sweet circle, including a few who live here in Houston, meaning I got to deliver their card-making packs in person and craft with them. In the case of the others, I got pictures from their parents of them valentine-ing and it brought me much joy.
Being Auntie Nishta is, hands-down, one of the absolute best things about this life. Whether it's book swapping with Tabitha or baking with Annie, telling Hugo and Simone (pictured above) stories about what their dad was like in college, or FaceTiming with my buddy Archie, the delight and richness of being an auntie is unmatched. I think it's a little bit like grandparent lite; don't get me wrong, I adore my own children and being a parent is one of the most meaningful things I've ever done, but auntie-hood is primarily fun, with as much responsibility as you want to take on. Do I want to hang with baby Hazel so mom & dad can go to grown-up dinner? I do. Am I down to have difficult conversations with these kids as they get older? I am. But I get the benefit of not having to wake up in the middle of the night, not being the one who gets that phone call from school (although I have and will continue to offer to all of them that they can call me from a party anytime they need and I will pick them up, no questions asked.)
Compounding the joy of being an auntie is watching your friends be parents. As most of you probably know, I am an only child with one living parent, so the family that sustains me is chosen family. When my friends' kids refer to and think of me as "Aunt Nishta," the circle of my chosen family loops back on itself and strengthens. Though I don't have siblings, I have friends whom I've known for over have of my life—we've been drunk together, on road trips, seen each other cry, walked each other through life—and witnessing their tender love for their children, their children's adoration for and delight in them is a compounding joy like none I've ever known.
It's become increasingly important for me to make time for these relationships as the kiddos get older, whether it's showing up at Christmas to decorate cookies, or sending birthday cards, or traveling to spend a weekend playing board games and watching Junior Bake Off, that investment in those relationships always feels worth it. In my own life, the uncles and aunties who made (and still make!) time for me contributed immensely to my well-being and sense of self. By letting me know that I was seen, loved, and supported no matter what, these "bonus adults" built a powerful safety net and palpable sense of community for me that reinforced the parenting I was receiving, and, in some cases, offered models and perspectives that my parents couldn't. I want that for my own child, which is why I am deeply grateful for the adults who take an interest in my kid, who want to spend time with and talk to her, get to know her and encourage her. Cliche but true, it takes a village. Other adults are an essential support system for me as a parent as well. It’s a tremendous gift to have someone not in the same stage of life or parenting as you who can swoop in with energy for crafts or bouncing a newborn.
Sometimes there are grownups whose interests align with your kid in a way that yours don't. My best friend Jen can talk with Shiv about dance and theatre in a way that makes clear they are two dramatic peas in a pod - when Shiv was younger, Jen quickly identified her natural dance posture and encouraged us to get her into classes. She's also helped explain and contextualize behaviors and tendencies that come with their personality territory but which are foreign to me. (Luckily, I can do the same for her daughter, Ellie, whom we joke is "actually mine" because she adores books and cozy things and is a giant, big-hearted nerd who sends me stories she’s written for feedback. It is the best thing in the world.)
In this wild, terrifying moment on Planet Earth, identifying, cultivating, and sustaining pockets of joy feels like an essential part of our survival. I plan to write here regularly, for all subscribers, about elements of my life that are bringing me joy and keeping me going. If you would like to guest post about what is feeding you right now, I’d love to have you! Please reach out.
xoxo,
Nishta
Yes to all of this! One of my greatest joys is being Aunty Veen / Veena Akka to a host of "babies" around the world. They bring me so much joy, and as they get older I hope they remember I am always here when they need me <3