surrender, part two

tbh I'm a little nervous to share this one

I take the migraine meds in hopes that today, I’ll be able to write, to cajole my parts into cooperating enough to tolerate pen + paper, maybe even a screen and some typing. Yesterday, I had to give in and get into the bed; attempts to fight with this body only ever wears us both out. I close my eyes and tell myself again and again - “the obstacle is the way the obstacle is the way theobstacleistheway'“ in the manner of a child huddled under covers, uttering an incantation she hopes will disappear the monsters.

the magnolia outside of my house bloomed this year for the first time since I moved in & it brings me (and the bees!) such joy

Now I know that monsters are real, that they are men who have abandoned their humanity in favor of power, of domination, of greed. Spiritual teachings the world over insist that the same tendencies live inside me, that I must imagine myself capable of what disgusts me. This is difficult, but it also isn’t. I have learned that I set myself above those I despise at my own peril.